A wise friend once said to me: “The sunnah of Allaah is that things change when we least expect, not when we do expect.” And that is so true. We are often so persistent on asking for that one thing, continuously like a nagging child and we’ll even throw an emotional tantrum when there’s a delay in a response. But do we ever stop to think that if we haven’t been granted our wish yet despite our constant asking, then perhaps the lesson for us is to stop chasing it?

Time and again, to my amazement, I have found myself given what I had wanted so much only after I had stopped running after it. This does not in any way mean that we stop praying for it, but it is actually a beautiful lesson in humility, patience and perspective. We can ask without making that thing our focus. Because when it becomes our focus, it turns into an obsession like a hole that digs itself deeper, and an obsession keeps us from aspects of our lives that are far more deserving of our attention and time. And just when you free yourself of that fixation, you will see doors opening before you; a path of possibilities unraveling right before your eyes.

I haven’t been getting much sleep lately and by this morning I felt a massive headache kicking in, kinda like what people often describe as a hangover after getting drunk. For me, the hangover was from a piece of shattering news I received yesterday.

My heart felt constricted under the choking weight of grief like a lump in my throat. But as I finished praying fajr and raised my hands to make du`aa, a little voice inside me reminded me that this too shall pass.. I decided it was upto me: I could either wallow in misery or choose to be happy, do the best I can and continue living.

I chose happiness. For me, happiness = acceptance and being content in the present moment and to continue living with the mantra of never giving up. Its not easy to choose when you’re fighting off overwhelming emotional pain, but it most certainly is liberating.

Life as we know is all about making decisions and choices. For me, the most important daily decision to make is to start my day with renewed faith and making a conscious effort of choosing happiness regardless of my circumstances. And that results into a lighter, more content me.

As I was talking to a dear friend about love and falling for people, I was hit by an epiphany: You don’t have to fall in love with every sweet, someone-that-makes-you-all-ditsy, beautiful person out there.  Its like shopping for flowers or stationary for me. I have this thing.. whenever I visit my local Staples, I find it excruciatingly difficult to hold my self back from buying a basket full of funky pens, colored envelopes, writing pads of all sorts, etc.  Or when buying flowers, I tend to lose myself in all of the lovely colors of roses. In the end, I don’t walk out of the store with the entire stationary or flower aisle. I buy what suits my needs and what I like the most.

You don’t have to fall head over heels to pick something up. You can just pick it up and admire it. Just like we don’t buy every diamond that appeals to us, similarly as you grow you will meet people that you’re attracted to be it cause of their personality, the work they do, or their looks – but that does not mean you have to fall in love and/or marry them.

It is equally important to give yourself time to heal, especially if you have just come out of a broken relationship. No one’s going to stop you from looking around but just make sure you don’t fall head over heels for the next person that charms you. Give it and yourself time. In doing that, you’re honoring yourself and the one you admire.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

I read this quote a while back and was just thinking about it today. I think that right there is one of the basic lessons that life teaches us about relationships. How often has the misconception of a perfect relationship pushed us to break apart ones that we have?

It all goes back to the idea of perfection and if such a thing really even exists. I believe it does. I believe perfection is in the acceptance of the imperfections of others. And that is the epitome of love. We are not angels, we are not expected to be flawless. But when you become more forgiving, you begin to see the world through a whole different lens — one that expands your horizons, that does not limit you or constrict you to the shallowness of this world but rather helps you see past the thorns in a bush of beautiful roses. It helps you accept the rose with its thorns, just as humans cannot be human without their flaws.

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam said: “There is at night an hour, no Muslim happens to be asking Allaah any matter of this world or the Hereafter, except that he will be given it, and this (occurs) every night.”

If you’re feeling helpless, like no one cares; you look around and you see nothing but preying eyes..

You stand up after falling for the umpteenth time and you find yourself stumbling yet again; you struggle to carry your own weight but your knees can’t seem to take on anymore..

You’re worn out, tired. You feel nothing but sorrow and desperation..

Nothing makes sense, no choice you make seems to be the right one.

Deep inside you, something calls out of despair and frustration, begging to be saved..

And when all of this pushes you to the edge, let go. Let go and let Allaah take care of your heart. All you gotta do is wake up in the middle of the night when everyone else is in deep slumber, and just ask Him.

Henry David Thoreau once said: “Its not what you look at that matters, its what you see.”

A trend that most of us fall victim to is that we interpret our surroundings based on our moods. So if we’re angry, we find people annoying. If we’re hurt,  the world seems to be a mean place. But how about making a conscious effort to see the good in everything? Surely then, the world would seem less mean and a happier place?

Eid Mubarak everyone!

TaqabbAllaahu minna wa minkum.

Just a couple of short thoughts and reminders:

1. We went out one Eid with Sufyan Al-Thawri and he said, “The first thing we will do on this day of ours is to lower our gaze.” [Ibn Abi Al-Dunya, Kitab Al-Wara’ article 66]

It is reported that Hassan bin Abi Sinan rahimahullaah went out one Eid and when he returned home his wife said, “How many beautiful women have you looked at today?” After she kept asking him, he said, “Woe to you! I have looked at nothing but my toe from when I went out to when I returned to you.” [Ibn Abi al-Dunya, Kitab Al-Wara’ article 68]

So sisters, dress appropriately. I know its Eid and we all like to dress up, but make sure to stay well within your boundaries. And brothers.. follow the above sunnah and lower your gaze.

2. Ibn Rajab rahimahullaah: “Eid is not for the one who wears new clothes. Eid is for the one whose obedience rises. Eid is not for the one with beautiful clothes and fine means of transport, Eid is for the one whose sins are forgiven.” [al-Lata'if, p. 371]

One has to wonder.. how many of us have come out of Ramadan with a clean or even a partially clean slate? How many of us have bettered our `ibaadah? How many of us have purified our hearts? How many of us have been written from amongst the Siddiqeen, and to be from amongst those to enter Jannah? How many of us have been saved from Hell?

You have to ask yourself:

Have I been forgiven?

Here’s an excerpt about the project from his website:

“Trawling through centuries of biographical dictionaries, madrassa chronicles, letters and travel books, Akram has found evidence of thousands of muhaddithat, or female experts in Hadith… He has found accounts of women teaching men and women in mosques and madrassas, touring Arabia and the Levant on lecture circuits, issuing fatwas, and making Islamic law.

Akram, himself a Hadith expert who has written more than 25 books, is shocked at the scope of his discoveries. When he started on the project, he expected to find 20 or 30 women, enough to fill a single-volume biographical dictionary….Years on, he has found more than 8,000, and his dictionary now stands at 40 volumes.

He is convinced that the women he has found only hint at the true numbers of working women scholars. “If I can find 8,000 in the sources,” he notes, “it means that there were many, many more than that.” [Times]“

I’m urging everyone to please donate to this cause so that this monumental voluminous work can be published. The reward for this – if you donate before Ramadan ends – will not only be multiplied but you will receive the reward for every single person that benefits from this work.

To donate, please click here.

Mixed Salad with Cranberries & Mango

Ingredients:

1 cup of diced sweet and sour mango

2 cups of chopped lettuce

1 cup of chopped spinach

1 cup of diced cucumber

1/2 cup diced red raddish

1/2 cup of dried cranberries

For the dressing:

1/4 cup yogurt

2 limes

1 1/2 tbsp olive oil

salt to taste

• Mix all of the salad ingredients in a bowl.
• For the dressing, mix the olive oil, salt and lime juice in the yogurt and pour it on top of the salad.
• I used almond flakes for garnishing. You can use bits of walnuts and almonds in it for added taste.

Imaam Maalik taught his daughter Fatimah the whole of his Muwatta’. Not only did she memorize the whole of the Muwatta’, but she learnt all the ahadeeth her father knew, from him. Az-Zubayr says, “Maalik had a daughter who knew his knowledge (the Muwatta’) by heart, and she used to be behind the door. When the reader made a mistake, she would correct him.”

She would also inform the people regarding the pious traits of her father, for example it is reported that she said, “Maalik would pray every night his portion (hizb), but when it was the night of Friday, he would stay awake all of it.” {Tarteeb al-Madaarik wa-Taqreeb al Masalik by Al Qadi ‘Iyaad}

In the 14th century the most important expert of hadeeth was Amatullah bint al-Imaam ‘Abd al-Ghani al-Dihlawiyyah (d. 1357) in Madinah. She studied with her father, many times over, all the Six Books, as well as many ajzaa’ and thabats (notebooks containing details of one’s narrations or teachers). She also received from him all the Mursalaat. Her father took a lot of interest in her education and obtained high ijaazah’s (licenses) for her from the leading traditionists of that time.32 At her home in Madinah she taught Qudoori as well as books of hadeeth. She was from the last major female scholars of Madinah. {Al-Kattaani, Fihris al-Fahaaris}

For more information on Women Scholars of Islaam, please visit this wonderful website.