OMG a monster!

3 Dec

I don’t understand why women are usually so terrified of living with their in-laws. It may not be the best possible option but its not the worst either. For every horror story out there (about mother and sister in laws) there’s a good one too. Mother in-laws are not evil. They’re just misunderstood (in most cases).

All you have to do, to avoid arguements and animosity, is to show love and care. The way you would love your own mother. Because this woman who’s son you married, is a mother too. Not yours, but your husband’s. She has rights over her son, the same way a wife has over her husband. I refuse to believe that if one were to remain patient, and take care of the husband’s parents, that they won’t finally give in and treat their daughter in-law with the same love and affection. They’re parents too afterall.

I hate how people make them out to be some sort of devils and witches, who have nothing better to do than making your life hell. I know that it’d more preferable to have a separate house/apartment than them but if due to the husband’s financial circumstances or if his parents wish for him and his wife to live with them, then in that case, just take it easy and do what you have to do: i.e. be a good muslim woman. Everything will fall into place. Our job is to please Allaah and that requires sacrifice. This life is not meant to be easy.

So yeah, in-laws are not monsters. You’ll be one too someday.

: )

10 Responses to “OMG a monster!”

  1. UmmNour December 3, 2006 at 1:18 pm #

    lol hun I dont’ think you’ve ever lived in laws.

    But on a serious note, it’s not about in laws being evil or monsters, it’s just them being there. For instance my in laws are mashAllah amaazing, my sister in law and me are best friends allhumdulilah, and I have a good relationshp with my mother in law. BUT as soon as me and my husband start living there ( we did for a week) we kept fighting. Why? Cuz my husband was obviousily very distracted, as any man would be. And every woman posses’s this quality…JEALOUSY. If my husband comes homes and runs to his mom and has a chat with her for an hour and THEN comes to me… you obvisiouliy get upset..and same thing with the mother…no mother would like to see her son come home and run upstairs to his wife…The whole jealousy thing is what ruins everything. kinda like you shouldn’t live with your co-wives. Yes I know, that’s a bit more different, but in the end the point is women can’t share a man in the same house LOL. Whether a mother sharing her son with her daughter in law or whether a sister sharing her brother with her sister in law, it causes problems, like jealousy and what not, which leads to different problems…

  2. Umm Asiyah December 3, 2006 at 9:28 pm #

    Assalamu aleykum

    plz put the link of the blog of umm tayyab on ur blog so she wont be forgotten..and ask others to do the same

    http://ummtayyab.com/

  3. Umm Khawla December 3, 2006 at 11:09 pm #

    Hmm, I may not have lived with in-laws but I do *know* how they are : )

    I don’t understand though sis, why would a wife feel jealous if the husband goes to his mother first? It doesnt change the fact that he is your husband. Your mother or sister-in-law cannot change that. So why worry? If he shows some love or affection towards his mother or sister, it should only encourage you to do the same. Because you will be treated the way you treat others. Sow kindness and you’ll reap kindness.

    It is ofcourse natural to feel jealous to a certain extent but it depends on how we channel it. Its not going to help you if you start thinking “Oh, my husband doesn’t love me as much as he loves his mother!” On the other hand, it should make you respect your husband even more if you see that he is kind and loving with his mother.

    As for comparing mother-in-law to a co-wife.. erm.. those are two totally different issues. In the case of a mother-in-law you’re not sharing your husband. He is your husband, but he is his mother’s son. In the case of a co-wife, he is both yours and her husband. See the difference? He has the same rights over you and the co-wife. Just like she would have the same rights as you over him. Now that is hurtful..

    Anyway.. May Allaah allow us to follow the example of the best of the creation.

  4. UmmNour December 5, 2006 at 2:48 am #

    Asalamu Alaikum

    hmm, I don’t think you get what I’m trying to say. I guess you kinda have to be in a situation to understand certain emotions. If I was to see my husband come and kiss his mom, I don’t think “Omg , he doesn’t love me as much as his mother” I don’t think any girl would think that. But generally as a woman, no one kinda wants to see that in their face all the time. And same thing with mother in laws. They don’t exactly enjoy seeing their son putting his head on his wife’s lap in front of them. This jelaousy doesn’t stem from sharing a HUSBAND but rather sharing a man. It’s actually true for anything that you share out there. And actually it’s usually not the wife who starts this but majority it’s the mother in laws who start this jealuosy wars and the wife eventually get defensive. Mothers who dont’ pay attetion to the son the whole day and as soon as the wife walks in, it’s like she suddently wants him to do this and that for her…

    By the way, I’m not disagreeing with you that parents in law should be loved and respected. No doubt they should be. But I was just trying to point out that it’s not so black and white. The issues are usually very complex, and sometimes don’t have such easy solution as “just loving them”

  5. Umm Khawla December 6, 2006 at 7:46 pm #

    wa`alaykum assalaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

    Let’s agree to disagree here : )

    Love ya.

  6. UmmNour December 6, 2006 at 7:54 pm #

    lol you’re so funny!

  7. Umm Layth December 10, 2006 at 10:02 am #

    There is no reason to feel ghayrah when the hubby goes to mommy first =p

    I can really understand the control problem that occurs in a house where 2 women live but even when we lived with his mom for a short while (after living with his dad) I never had a problem with his mother. I had a problem with his step-mother and a lot of it was due to her thinking differently when it came to deen and control. With his mother, I knew it was his mother and I knew she wasn’t even Muslim so I didn’t expect much from her and surprisingly received much respect back.

  8. Umm Khawla December 10, 2006 at 12:55 pm #

    I can imagine how much it would please the husband if his mother and wife were both on good terms with each other. That would be like an ideal family.

  9. Umm Layth December 10, 2006 at 8:59 pm #

    Yeah but definitely more ideal if his mother was muslim, may Allaah guide our parents, aameen

  10. najat December 12, 2006 at 1:22 am #

    tehee..

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