“Don’t talk to me, you prick!”

25 Mar

I’ve been meaning to write about young muslim wives (even older in some cases) and the way they treat their husbands. Often times, I’ve seen and heard about sisters getting mad at their husbands, yelling and screaming at them, using profanities during arguments, and even hitting them. Allaahul Musta`aan. These characteristics, although they don’t realize, are from the kuffaar. Even the arab women at the time of Jaahiliyyah were well-known for honouring and respecting their husbands.

So whats up with the sisters these days? I think they need a lesson. I think, they need to look into their history and compare their attitudes with those of the women during the time of Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam and the generations after them, and see where they stand.

Consider this scenario [Btw, this is a hypothetical scenario with conversations I made up, but trust me, it happens]:

Wife A has an argument with her husband over something (could be petty or serious, doesn’t matter). During the argument, wife A does not yell or use any foul language but is very upset and angry over what her husband’s said to her. Next day, she has a sisters get-together (these things can be a real fitnah at times!). Wife A mentions her quarrel with her husband to Wife B.

Wife B asks: “Don’t tell me you didnt say anything back to him!!”

Wife A: “No.. I was angry but I couldn’t..”

Wife B: “OMG, so you just stood there and took it like an idiot?! Gosh.. you’re such a whimp!”

I mean really, so you’re a whimp for not having a good come-back for your husband?

What these sisters need to learn is that the husband has authority over his wife, not the other way hound. He’s the leader of the household and he is her caretaker. Often times, sisters that are brought up in the west have a hard time accepting this fact because they consider that to be demeaning and lowly. One of the best naseehah I have come across was the advice of Umaamah radiyAllaahu `anhaa to her daughter Umm Iyaas. Its a wee bit long but its definitely worth reading.

Abd al-Malik (radiyAllaahu `anh) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyaas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umaamah came into her room to advise her and said:

  • “O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
  • “O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
  • “O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
  • “Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
  • “The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
  • “The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
    found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
  • “The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
  • “The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
  • “The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
    filled with hatred towards you.
  • “Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

subhaan’Allaah, such precious advice. I loved this one particularly: “The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allaah.” That is like the gist of a marriage. One need not look at this as some form of slavery, but instead liken this relationship to that of two best-friends. If your friend requests you to do something, out of love for him/her you do your best to fulfill that request. Likewise, considering the authority and the position Allaah has given to men, to our husbands, it is even more binding upon us and at the same time, more pleasurable, fulfilling their requests. Pleasurable because there is a huge amount of reward in obeying one’s husband and that infact, they are our key to Jannah.

On the authority of Hussian bin Muhsan (radhi allahu anhu) who said: ‘My aunt narrated (a hadeeth) to me, saying: ‘I came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) for some need of mine. He (radhi allahu anhu) said: “How are you towards your husband?” She said: ‘I do not fall short in anything except which I am unable to do. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Well look to your position in relation to him, for it is the key to Paradise and Hell.” [Authentic – at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]

and,

“If a woman prays the five prayer, guards her private parts (from anything illegal), and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any door she wishes.” [Authentic – at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]

What more can a woman want? Jannah is the ultimate goal. Its the ultimate prize. Since the key that we have can unlock two doors: the door of Jannah and the door of Hell, its upto us which one we choose to open.

“Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” {Soorah al-Furqaan:74}

9 Responses to ““Don’t talk to me, you prick!””

  1. UmmNour March 26, 2007 at 5:03 pm #

    “Don’t talk to me, you prick!”

    omg, subhanAllah, I can’t imagine a sister saying that to her husband. Unless he did something really crazy. The thing is I totally agree with you that sisters have totally forgotten the respect of their husband. I guess this is what the society teaches us now. But I think the problem isn’t only with husbands. Generally,nowadays sisters fight like men with everyone. If a sister has a beef with someone, she goes screaming yelling, swearing and using low attacks. It’s just what happens living here. We are taught that “no one can mess with me, and get away with it!” “i’ll show her! How dare she?” Sisters have huge problem with arrogance. Anyone who is nice and sweet is looked as a wimp and is generally used up by others. Girls see a nice sister, and they walk all over her until she retaliates and becomes like her. So it’s kinda a never ending cycle that only with constant dawa and with examples can we fix this.

    A lot of husbands have lost that respect by beating up their wives, by not giving their wives rights, by sitting at home playing games and not working. This goes both ways. A lot of men are simply not men. Though I don’t think this can be a justification for women to disrespect their husbands. But for women out there who can’t be patient with these men, this is the outcome.

    InshAllah with constant reminders to both brothers and sisters out there, things can change.

  2. Umm Khawla March 27, 2007 at 12:28 am #

    You made a very good point, maashaa’Allaah. Jazaakillaah khayr.

  3. Umm Layth March 27, 2007 at 8:58 pm #

    Jazaaki Allaahu khairan for this post. I also love those words of advice.

    One thing that is hard for western muslimaat, is that they are being brainwashed by the media and these feminist groups, that just taking it and not being rude to your husband means that you allow him to abuse you and make you inferior to him.

    It also isn’t easy for many people if they saw their families argue as they grew up.

    If you are rebellious naturally and saw your parents fighting as you grew and constantly saw your mother being stepped on for opening her mouth, it sometimes hits you without thinking. Sometimes you become afraid of becoming like that mother, who submitted 100% to her husband but still got treated like crap and so sometimes, at the moment you start to feel that it will occur like what you saw, you raise your voice, even if your husband treats you like a pearl.

    May Allaah forgive us, aameen

  4. bint Husayn November 4, 2007 at 11:10 pm #

    Sorry, but what does prick mean?

  5. Umm Khawla November 11, 2007 at 5:32 pm #

    Prick is an obnoxious person..

  6. Man why u care December 19, 2007 at 11:22 pm #

    Sometimes I think this is a bit exaggerated I have seen plenty of good sisters too but being honest what really drives me nuts is when sisters backchat their husbands. And many times I have seen “practising sisters” do that.

    What is in the house should stay in the house. What kind of full mouthed women are these that cannot remain silent about the affairs of the house? I swear there are some women out there who keep things where they should be and surely Allah is aware of what they are going through. Seriously it makes me sick . Why would a sister want to so low represent her own husband in the eyes of others and GUESS What at times these women don’t just do it to seek some “nasihah” but enjoy it.. Let’s call it harmless gheeba authubillah. And when you suggest divorce to an ukht she’s like “no no I love him”.. khayr

    May Allah guide us ameen surely none of us are free from mistakes.

  7. Man why u care December 19, 2007 at 11:26 pm #

    i know the above sounds a bit harsh but please try to understand i have spoken to many sisters.. who are constantly complaning and moaning about their husbands.. what u have posted up there every women shud know.. a blog post isnt ennuf, and really sistahs its all bout implementation. so inshallah lets intend to implement and obey our hubs for Allah azza wajal.

  8. Amera August 20, 2009 at 3:00 pm #

    Mashallah this was a very inspirational article. I do believe that sisters these days are forgetting the obligation of respecting their husbands. I tend to make a link between the resepct for parents, and the respect for the husband. I use to think that if one didn’t respect their father, they wouldn’t respect their husbands either. Therefore the issue may come from something deeper. I wanted to add in that I think a significant part of respecting ones husband, is to honor their family as well. This is a very difficult test that almost every married woman has to encounter. If one really respects their husband, they would also respect those who he loves.

    • Umm Khawla August 21, 2009 at 1:57 pm #

      Well said Amewa❤

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